I just wrote a 10 page blog about everything that has been going on, and everything I have been thinking. Then I deleted it. It was too long for even me to make sense of it. But, I've changed a lot lately, so this is the summary of what has happened and who I am now.
A year ago, I was an insecure guy who was always worrying that someone might not like me. I had dreams, but no idea how to make them realities. I knew who I was as a person, but being afraid of how others would see me kept me from realizing my true potential and making my dreams come true.
Now I have an even better grasp of who I am, and I'm not afraid to go for those goals. I am a good guy, and a funny guy (often at my own expense), and a smart guy, probably the most caring guy you'll ever meet, and I like who I am. I'm not being cocky at all, I'm just saying that I'm so over changing myself into a version of Joe that I think people might like better. I think it's better to be a true person that is loved by a handful of people, than a fake person that is loved by crowd.
I'm finally getting out of Modesto, and moving to the city of my dreams. At times it's a petrifying venture, but I could not be more excited. It will be like a fresh start in a lot of ways. I know exactly what I want in life, and I know what it's going to take to get there.
I've realized that I will never be the Nureyev I'd hoped to become when I was younger, but I'm not an awful dancer either. I'm content with dancing wherever I can, for as long as I can. My love for ballet is too great to just let go of it and move on with something else.
Modeling is really starting to take off, more than I ever thought it would. Never in a million years did I think I'd ever be signed with a modeling agency, but here I am. I still don't think of myself as a "model", but it's done loads for my self-confidence and more and more I'm loving the skin I'm in. I know I'll never be the face of Gucci or Burberry, but I know I can succeed in this industry if I work hard, and I'm not afraid to go for it. So that's exactly what I'm going to do.
My thirst for a higher education still hasn't been quenched, but I don't have the time to commit to a proper college. So for now, I'm continuing my studies at a college in San Francisco, studying real estate, business, and finance principles. My ultimate goal is to save the money I make modeling, so that when I stop I have a nest-egg that is large enough to open my own store. Picture a set-up similar to Saks Men's that specializes in designer menswear. I think I'll call it "Joe's" =P
Dancing, modeling, business . . . I want it all but what I want more than anything is a family. I've grown closer to my family in this last year than I thought was possible. I didn't know I could feel such a sincere and strong feeling of togetherness and love. My parents are incredible people, and I could not be more proud of my brother.
The love my parents have for each other and for my brother and I have helped me realize that all I really want out of life is a family of my own. A husband and kids. Not anytime soon, but definitely someday. What good is it to have a fierce apartment, a closet of Gucci, Louis, and Prada, and a hot new Benz if you don't have a partner to share your life with and kids to love and raise.
So I guess . . . in conclusion . . . of this grammatically incorrect and poorly written excuse of a "blog": I feel I have a better grasp of who I truly am than I ever have before. I have big dreams, but I feel like I am on the cusp of turning them into a reality. I have an incredible family, and few truly incredible friends who help me be the best person I can be.
Bring it on life. I'm ready for ya.
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